2 weeks have already flown past and trials is just around the corner- literally. my studying still has not been picked up and i'm scared. life hasn't been so good for me lately. i don't feel as though i'm myself.. arguments with dad, annoyance with peers and above all, fustration and anguish against myself. why am i still procrastinating while the trials are in 3 days? how am i going to cope with chemistry? how am i going to cope with my dad's disappointment when he sees my results? i say to myself i want to get into uni, but the rate i'm going i probably can't even get over 60uai. i'm so screwed. Yes, i have been doing reasonbly well for my assessments, but now i'm going to screw everything up because of these damn trials. WHt ARE'NT I MOSTIVATED DAMNIT. the anger i have within myself is unbearable. fuck me dead.
do you know what's odd? i realised that my school friends seem to be more acquainces then the people from outside of my school. why am i drifting from them when i need them most? is it me that is drifting or is it that they are never there for me or do i just block my feelings and hand them a beaming smile when they ask what's wrong? why do i feel so shiit.. why am i feeling like a fucked up no life ugly shithead! i can't talk to anyone, i can't tell anyone, i don't know what's wrong with me. today i went down for lunch and i was watching oprah and there was this 17year old girl who was addictied to some sort of drug. a drug that eats away your brain and she started when she was only 13. she's totally addicted and regrets the day she started with her friends. but, she's very fortunate to have family behind her, supporting her seeking for help and now oprah is giving them free of charge treatment in the best place. Some people are blessed in tortureous ways and i somewhat pity them. i sympathise for them. the problems they get into and some poeple just can't get out of, but then there are the fortunates to help and care for them. they are the truely lucky ones, not the ones with wealth and all that is materialistic, but family and friends that support them whether one is doing the right or wrong thing. i envy that.
